Spend some time with your journal. Bring to mind a conversation you have had in the past, perhaps one that did not go as well as you had hoped. Try and recall the questions you asked. Write them down. Reflect on how else you might have asked the same questions: turning why into how, and so on. How many different ways could you ask those questions? How might the way you ask affect the answer you get? Consider too what other questions you might have asked but did not, and how many different ways you might ask them.
Now, bring to mind a conversation that you are working up to: what questions might you ask to get the other person interested, to engage? What might you ask to gain the understanding of her that you need to move forward? How many different ways could you ask those questions? How might each affect the outcome?
Revisit the reflection whenever you are planning a conversation, but remember to go and do something else between the planning and the conversation. Insight is nearly always the work of the unconscious mind, and it works best when your conscious mind is too busy to interfere.